Getting Old Will Haunt You Read online

  Contents

  Cover

  A Selection of Recent Titles by Rita Lakin

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Acknowledgements

  Prologue: Death by Marlin. Fish is Winner

  Chapter One: Guys Going Away. Girls Left Behind

  Chapter Two: Bored, I am Bored. Deliver Me

  Chapter Three: Hy’s Evil Revenge. We are Saved

  Chapter Four: Getting Ready. Back to the Mall

  Chapter Five: Wednesday We Exit. Now Minus One?

  Chapter Six: The Road Trip. Agony and Ecstasy

  Chapter Seven: In Ida’s Bedroom. The Same Time

  Chapter Eight: Arrive Key West. Astonishing Adventure Begins

  Chapter Nine: Ida’s Apartment – About the Same Time

  Chapter Ten: Meet Clients. What is Happening Here?

  Chapter Eleven: Ida on the Phone Late Night

  Chapter Twelve: Clarity. Jasmine Tea. And Real Facts

  Chapter Thirteen: The Raincoat Man and his Episodes

  Chapter Fourteen: Ida on the Job. Lola Defensive

  Chapter Fifteen: Another Trip to the Gray Lady

  Chapter Sixteen: Aftermath. Still Dazed. Are We Crazy?

  Chapter Seventeen: Ida and Lola Fight to Finish

  Chapter Eighteen: The Rest of the Day Off

  Chapter Nineteen: Another Phone Call. Now About Midnight

  Chapter Twenty: The Cop and the Acting Detective

  Chapter Twenty-One: Ida Hires a Driver, Julio Really?

  Chapter Twenty-Two: The Papa Quiz With Visionary Bella

  Chapter Twenty-Three: Now Playing: Hy, Dolly-Ann, Manny Story

  Chapter Twenty-Four: Manny Bloom the Late Night Crawler

  Chapter Twenty-Five: A Side Trip. Julio the Guide

  Chapter Twenty-Six: At the Beach for Instant Tan

  Chapter Twenty-Seven: Jailbird Comes Home. Hy and Dolly-Ann Distraught

  Chapter Twenty-Eight: Back to Wassingers. For a List

  Chapter Twenty-Nine: To Cop Shop. First on List

  Chapter Thirty: A Busy Tale of Three Lawyers

  Chapter Thirty-One: Ida Takes Over. Hy in Shock

  Chapter Thirty-Two: Friends of Robert. Fishing Pals Forever

  Chapter Thirty-Three: The Mortuary and a Scared Otis

  Chapter Thirty-Four: Manny and Julio Unexpected Surprise Visit

  Chapter Thirty-Five: Ida and Hy Make a Plan

  Chapter Thirty-Six: A Mystery Call from Far Away

  Chapter Thirty-Seven: A Tour. Thieves in the Night

  Chapter Thirty-Eight: Farewells to All. True Feelings Unspoken

  Chapter Thirty-Nine: Bearding the Lion in his Den

  Chapter Forty: Hy and Ida Head Back Home

  Chapter Forty-One: Back at the Inn. Clues Rock

  Chapter Forty-Two: An Important Discussion with Smart Teresa

  Chapter Forty-Three: An Absurd Group of Boat People

  Chapter Forty-Four: Respected. About Time. Revenge is Sweet

  Chapter Forty-Five: The Very, Very, Very Colorful Recruits

  Chapter Forty-Six: A Gathering of Suspects. The End

  Chapter Forty-Seven: Girls Travel Home Again. Jiggity Jig

  Chapter Forty-Eight: A Happy Ending to our Story

  Postscript

  A Selection of Recent Titles by Rita Lakin

  The Gladdy Gold Series

  GETTING OLD IS MURDER

  GETTING OLD IS THE BEST REVENGE

  GETTING OLD IS CRIMINAL

  GETTING OLD IS TO DIE FOR

  GETTING OLD IS A DISASTER

  GETTING OLD IS TRES DANGEREUX

  GETTING OLD CAN KILL YOU

  GETTING OLD CAN HURT YOU *

  GETTING OLD WILL HAUNT YOU *

  Novels

  DEMON OF THE NIGHT

  A SENSITIVE, PASSIONATE MAN

  THE FOUR COINS OF THE KABBALAH

  A SUMMER WITHOUT BOYS

  * available from Severn House

  GETTING OLD WILL HAUNT YOU

  Rita Lakin

  This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.

  First published in Great Britain 2018 by

  SEVERN HOUSE PUBLISHERS LTD of

  Eardley House, 4 Uxbridge Street, London W8 7SY.

  First published in the USA 2019 by

  SEVERN HOUSE PUBLISHERS of

  110 East 59th Street, New York, N.Y. 10022

  This eBook edition first published in 2018 by Severn House Digital

  an imprint of Severn House Publishers Limited

  Trade paperback edition first published

  in Great Britain and the USA 2019 by

  SEVERN HOUSE PUBLISHERS LTD.

  Copyright © 2018 by Rita Lakin.

  The right of Rita Lakin to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs & Patents Act 1988.

  British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

  A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

  ISBN-13: 978-0-7278-8856-3 (cased)

  ISBN-13: 978-1-84751-980-1 (trade paper)

  ISBN-13: 978-1-4483-0188-1 (e-book)

  Except where actual historical events and characters are being described for the storyline of this novel, all situations in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to living persons is purely coincidental.

  This ebook produced by

  Palimpsest Book Production Limited,

  Falkirk, Stirlingshire, Scotland

  In memory of the real Gladdy Golds (Gladdy, Evvie and Ida) Gladys, Ann and Rose, the Banoff girls

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  Apologies to the police departments in Key West. There is no Barbara, Gregg or Bud. Fiction characters, fiction.

  And thanks to the people at Severn House: Kate, Sara, Carl, Natasha and all the others who are so kind to my books.

  And of course, all the fans who are still with me. Thanks again.

  PROLOGUE

  Death by Marlin. Fish is Winner

  Robert Strand, age sixty-one, of Key West, enjoying another fabulous day of fishing on the Gulf of Mexico, always used to say, ‘If I gotta die, I wanna die fishing.’ Yes, Robert, your wish is about to come true, but with a slight revision – you are going to die with the fishes.

  Robert is wearing his lucky baseball cap. Even though the white stitching across its top – The Miami Marlins – was unraveling. Ditto, his beat-up old sweatshirt with its famous slogan, I love you, Miami. His boat is named Marlin Honey. That makes it a triple threat – a sure thing. He knows today is going to be his big day, fish-wise.

  He leans back, happy with himself. He’d rather fish than do anything else in the whole wide world, with his smokes and an ice-filled bucket of beer cans at his side.

  If he ever let himself think about it, and he rarely did, he was a failure as a husband; ask his two ex-wives and they’ll sing the same old refrain. Robert is lazy. Sluggish for a lawyer. By now he should have been a judge at least. But instead, when he rarely put his nose to the grindstone, he spent precious time on helping old people. Old, as well as poor. No billable hours in that bunch. King of Pro Bono, they called him behind his back, and not meant as a compliment. He heard it moaned about in both marriages. His legal
partners despaired of him, as well.

  He was unlike his dear, departed father, the former first partner in his firm. The father was a hotshot, and when he brought his son in, all expected junior to be equally sizzling. Sonny-boy was a bitter disappointment to one and all.

  He’d rather fish than work.

  Even marital sex was over-rated. What could beat the passion and the thrill of fighting a giant Tarpon or Cobia, or Grouper; the sea was a treasure trove of choices for him. Get one on your line and sometimes it took hours on end, pulling, thrashing, sweating, feeling every muscle, every movement of the body and mind at one with that undersea partner, evenly matched and evenly excited, building up to the climax. Then the awesome release when the fighter was caught and in the boat! Now, that’s what you call an orgasm! He giggled; and what one desired after that gratification, was a cigarette and a beer.

  He feels a tickle on his line. Shoulders back, arms thrusting out; on instant alert. Something big, feeling like it’s a blue, toying with his bait. Easy does it, boy. Take your time old spiky, old blue, sniff it, play with it, twirl yourself around it. Swim away. Swim close. Do your usual dance. Come back because you want it. Crave it. I’m not rushing you. Soon you’ll be mine. Make my day!

  Robert’s only fear was that there might be a shark nearby with the same goal in mind. He has to chuckle. If anyone ever asked him to name someone with whom he’d like to go fishing – anyone, anywhere, past or present – he’d give his one and only perfect answer. He’d want to fish with that great writer, the world-famous sportsman, one of the most important former residents of Key West, Ernest Hemingway.

  That amazing guy would bring a machine gun onto his probably 60,000 buck yacht and shoot any shark that dared go near his catch. Rat-a-tat-tat and bye-bye shark. A machine gun! That’s a real man’s idea of fishing!

  Wow! It’s happening – a real hit! Killer fish took the bait and it’s gonna be gigantic! As Robert excitedly reels him in, fighting all the way, he thinks of the thousands of hours he and his buddies spent in the hot sun and turbulent sea. It’s finally paid off. To his amazement, and thrill, the largest blue marlin of his life has pulled on his line. The wondrous blue marlin, among the largest, fastest, most recognizable fish in the world is seconds away from being his. The squid bait had worked!

  His big chance has arrived at last. What Robert has waited thirty years of fishing for – the Florida competition with its winning trophy for landing the biggest fish of the year! With one hand clutching his fishing rod with all his strength, the other hand clicked a selfie photo on his iPhone. His proof for posterity.

  He captures on his camera a gloriously happy face and the monster marlin’s beady eye and spear-like snout as it hangs upside down almost on top of him, ready to pounce. With an immediate ‘Send’ it went to his four best fishing buddies, who were too busy to fish today. That will show them what they missed by standing him up today. Odd, the guys never miss a fishing date. But never mind. Their loss. He can hardly wait to see those jealous faces when he meets with them later today. Eat your hearts out, guys.

  But, hey, what? No!!! He screams! This can’t be happening. He clutches his gut in pain! Watching his blood spurt wildly as the line holding the marlin snaps. ‘No!’ he shrieks, but his eyes fog and close. Death had come to take him. Even as his phone accidentally clicks again and falls from his helpless hand onto the deck.

  Next to his last dying thoughts were, oh, well, his marlin was probably only a ten-footer, an eight-hundred pounder. That wouldn’t win the biggest fish of year contest. The Florida record so far was recorded at fourteen feet, 1,046 pounds.

  His final thought. Goodbye, cruel world.

  ONE

  Guys Going Away. Girls Left Behind

  Hello there. I’m Gladdy Gold. Just to catch you up. I live in Lanai Gardens, in Building Q, a pleasant multi-acre retirement residence in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Off of Oakland Park Boulevard. You’ll know you’re in the right place because directly across the street from us is this huge hospital, The Florida Medical Center. A place we’ve been too often. And thankfully come back out. But never mind that.

  I’m being specific, in case you want to drop in and visit me. So, if you’re in the neighborhood, come on up for coffee and maybe a Danish.

  Right now I’m watching a bus loading the men from our entire condominium going on a vacation. And that includes my darling Jack.

  I find myself reminiscing.

  It’s been a fine retired life so far. I, along with my sister Evvie and three best girlfriends, Ida, Sophie and Bella, are in our seventies and eighties, and are relatively well, thank goodness. With the usual aches and pains, of course. No point complaining. Nobody will listen.

  I still think of them as my girls, though the politically correct address is ‘women’. But we’re of the old school. We’d be happy if they’d never invented that Facebook or any of that silly tweeting. Or those special iPhones that do everything but your laundry. The good old days are what we miss, and recollect about and will always cherish.

  We are like one big family, though we live in our own private apartments.

  We live next door to each other, or one flight down, also across the courtyard. We can see each other out our windows, but that doesn’t stop my girls calling me up oh, so many times during the day. Here’s a typical situation, which seems we’ve played like a million times over; say maybe we’re going to the movies:

  Bella calls Sophie for the fifth time. ‘What time is the movie?’

  ‘Sweetie, it’s three thirty.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  Then Sophie calls Ida, ‘We did say three thirty.’

  Ida says, (never patient), ‘Yes, that’s what we did say, fourteen times.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  Ida calls Evvie, ‘The girls are driving me crazy. Now, even I’m not sure we’re going at three thirty.’

  Evvie says, (always patient), ‘Yes, that was what we agreed on.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  Evvie calls me, ‘The girls are driving me nuts. If they call me one more time …’

  Me, ‘Don’t answer the phone.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  And so it goes. We are our lifeline for one another. We call to make certain we are still alive and well. Each day we check in with each other. I sigh. But do we have to do it twenty or more times a day? I guess the answer is yes.

  A lot has happened in the last few years. About my immediate family living here. My sister Evvie is it. We only have each other. She is only younger by two years, but I’m still considered the ‘big sister’, the person in charge. I am her hero, but sometimes I’m not. Hey, you can’t be perfect all the time.

  Something we never would have imagined has occurred in our twilight years. Both Evvie and I have remarried. I’m a widow no more. I’ve married a retired ex-cop – a gorgeous hunk. Jack Langford was widowed, too, and we found that happiness was still possible no matter how old you get. Evvie remarried, also, and to everyone’s surprise, it was to her first husband, Joe, whom she used to hate and complain bitterly about for fifty years. He looked her up again and, voila! Love at second sight. That’s a story and a half.

  But let me tell you about our business – Gladdy Gold and her Associates, Private Eyes. We girls found out that keeping busy and doing useful things and helping people is a way to stay young. We discovered we were good at something unexpected. We were good at detecting. Much to our chagrin, we started to be aware that so many older people are considered invisible, and therefore ignored by those younger than they are.

  So if seniors had problems and they needed representation, it was something there was little of. Who was there to help them? To listen to their problems? Us, we decided. We sent out business cards and handed them out everywhere, even took out an ad or two, and lo and behold, we became detectives.

  And we hit the mother lode; we found our niche – senior troubles galore, all over the place. Grandparents fighting their children over money. Grandp
arents at war with retirement homes. Grandparents with medical situations. Yes, sadly, there is even senior abuse. Believe it or not, senior marriage problems. And, boy, were we busy! Our motto: never trust anybody under seventy-five. That got us lots of clients.

  I still giggle when I think about our first case. An eighty-five-year-old woman hired us to find out whether her eighty-seven-year-old husband was cheating on her! Yes, sex among the seniors. I can prove it still exists.

  But, sorry, I digress with all those old thoughts and memories. Here we are in the parking lot, waving goodbye to our hubbies, who are climbing into a bus that will take them to the Miami airport. And from there onto a plane to Africa! Our guys are going on a ten-day safari. This is an all-male macho adventure with almost all of the men in Lanai Gardens eagerly making the trip.

  In our own Phase Two, my Jack is going. I miss him already. After all, I’m still a newlywed, sort of. Since Evvie’s hubby, Joe, is also going, she whispers to me about how much fun we’ll have talking behind their backs while they’re gone. And happy times, hitting all the bars around town. Party! Party! She promises.

  All talk, of course. She’s joking. I predict hours of staying home and watching a lot of silly TV.

  All of the men are on board the bus, including Sol Spankowitz, who’s terrified of everything, especially his new wife, Big Tessie. Even though he’s scared stiff about flying, it’s his chance to escape her majesty for a little while. Tessie, who is quite overbearing, is somewhat scary at six-foot tall and well over 225 pounds. She’s known as Big Tessie who has tried every diet on the planet and failed. Why? Because she always quits, unsatisfied, after the first day. We’re betting that Sol will have a wonderful time all those miles away, remembering what it used to be like when he was single and could breathe freely.

  There’s a difference in the saying of goodbyes. To Jack and Joe, Evvie and I are calling out basic advice like, ‘Don’t get sunburned and have a great time.’ From Tessie, Sol is getting, ‘Don’t get mauled by a tiger and don’t eat any African cockroaches and call me every few days.’ Poor Sol.